I Swear I Don’t Make This Stuff Up

Ok so last week at work we had this really boring guy come in and talk to us about retirement.  And since I am the party planner for events like this I was in charge of the treats.  Well not so much in charge, but basically I buy treats to try and bribe people to come.  No joke, I do.  I have honestly called people from different departments and tried to entice them with cookies, sometimes it actually works too. 

The day of the event I had forgotten about buying anything at the store and since John and I had carpooled to work that day I had only one option, which was to walk down town to this little bakery we have here.  It was a little chilly, not too terrible, so I put on my sweater/cardigan thing, my scarf and a little pair of red gloves.  By the time I got to the Bakery my hair was a wind blown disaster and I won’t lie, I was a little cold. 

I open the door and did a quick survey of the place.  I always do this, I have this bizarre need to check it all out first, see where people are sitting and make sure that I walk as far away from them as I can, I check out the people to see if I know any of them, and of course you have to see how many people stop what they are doing to stare at you when you walk in.  I do the same thing, I always stare at people when they walk in, I should really stop doing that.  So first thing that I notice is this weird man sitting at the very front table, right next to the cash register.  Great I thought to myself, something weird is going to happen.  Do you ever just get a weird feeling, like you KNOW that something is off, and it’s going to be an odd encounter?  I do. 

Up to the cash register I go.  I am second in line so I am patiently waiting my turn, and trying to look really busy picking out cookies, because I just knew this homelessishman was going to say something to me because I could feel him staring at me.  I didn’t even look his way, I tried to keep my head turned the other direction.  I even started fumbling around in my purse trying to look preoccupied.  Homelessish guy saw right through this charade. 

HG:  Where is your coat?
Me:  I have my sweater, see?
HG:  It is cold outside, you need a coat.
Me:  I have my scarf and my gloves, so I am pretty good thanks though.

Finally it is my turn to order, I let out a sigh of relief because surely this man would see that I was busy now and wouldn’t bother me anymore.  Wrong, I am always wrong!

HG:  You want to know what I was always told when I was a kid?
Me:  What?
HG:  That you should always wear a coat when you go outside.
Me:  Ummm.

Ok so now I am back to ordering again.  Ok he has got to get the hint, I am totally not even engaging him at all.  He must stop talking to me, he must, I am starting to sweat with nervousness by now.  I whip out my company card to pay for the first batch of goods and hand it over to the overly pierced, very obvious cutter gal behind the counter.  The next thing I know, this man has jumped up and is now standing RIGHT next to me, we are mere inches away from rubbing shoulders.  I gasped and took a step to the side, not wanting to be totally rude, but still trying to maintain my space. 

HG:  Can I ask you a question?
Me: Ummm…..
HG: How do you keep your hair so shiny and pretty and not tangled.
Me: Ummm….
HG: I have always wanted to ask people that, but I have never dared until you walked in
Me: Ummm…..
HG: I mean look at mine, it always gets in big tangles, see (shows me his long ratted hair)
Me:  I pretty much use conditioner on my hair, oh yeah and I brush it, A LOT.
HG:  I wash mine too
Me:  Yeah but do you use conditioner when you wash it?
HG:  No
Me:  I put mine in a ponytail too if it gets too snarly
HG:  What kind of conditioner do you use?
Me:  Biolage
HG:  Where do you get that?  I guess I should get me some, where do you get yours at?
Me:  The beauty Saloon.

The whole time I am hiding my credit card so he can’t see my name and number because he was staring down at my card the whole time, it was so weird.  I was so glad when those bakery girls finished my order so I could get out of there.  Am I the only one who has odd things like this happen?

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