My first job in Salt Lake was working for the State of Utah Bureau of Criminal Identification (don’t worry, there will be more posts about this job in the future). It was a great job that my Aunt Alice worked out for me. The only bummer was that I worked nights, from 5-10 or 11 I can’t remember exactly. There were only 3 of us in the office during this time, me, another night worker named Nate, and Lori, the lady who worked in TWIX, the telecommunications part which was open all the time.
My job had something to do with looking at fingerprint cards and their criminal history and it got a little boring at times. I would sit in Alice’s cubicle and listen to her friend Suzie’s books on tape to help pass the time. One night boredom got the best of me and I couldn’t take one more fingerprint card so I decided to shred. I rounded up a box of paper and headed over to the industrial sized shredder. This thing was huge, not like the little trash can sized ones you see now.
I slowly started to feed the sheets of paper through one by one, I wanted to drag this out for a little while before I had to go back to my desk. I started one piece and leaned down to grab another handful when my trusty state issued ID badge that hung around my neck got sucked in. You know in the movies when you see some guy wearing a tie do this and you think oh come on no one is that stupid. Well I give you exhibit A:
(Sweet picture I know)
On the back of my badge I had clipped my key card to get into my swanky apartment building and it was an unbendable card full of wires. It was the only thing that saved me from a certain death by shredding. Lucky for me the key card jammed the machine. Unlucky for me was that my boss wasn’t so hot on me anyway and this was sure to not earn me any brownie points, and now I was locked out of my apartment. Lori from TWIX came over and once she was able to stop laughing helped me pull my badge out. Needless to say I have been a little leery of shredders ever since.