My Old Boyfriend

This is my old boyfriend.  Nope not someone I have ever met in my life or dated, just some old dude that after watching Lonesome Dove back in college I fell in love with.  Don’t worry John is fully aware of this, and I am very open about the fact that if given the chance I might very well leave him for Robert Duvall.  

ld2.jpg image by nationalgeographictre

P.S. if you haven’t seen the movie you really should.  It is longer than crap but a great show.

Boredom Shopping

I have a REALLY bad habit called boredom shopping.  When I am bored and alone I buy random crap that I don’t really need.  Mostly it ends up being things that I have wanted for a while or wanted to try but when I am with John, my financial conscience, my Jiminy Cricket if you will, I never buy them.  So what do you think happens when he leaves me for the summer?  Oh that’s right I go shopping.

I like to wander around stores, and John and I usually do this but most of the time I won’t end up buying most of the stuff I want.  I will pick it up, carry it around and then before we leave I almost always put it back.  But that’s ok because I am not leaving the store empty handed, I have my husband with me.  But when I am alone, I just have to buy something, anything, it doesn’t matter.  If I go in a store I am going to leave that store with a purchase.  I don’t know why I do this, it really is a sickness of sorts.  If I am going to be honest, it isn’t always just when I am bored.  It happens a lot if I am super mad or stressed.  You should have seen all the random crap that I bought a few days before John left.  It was absurd but I couldn’t help myself.  I kept thinking it was going to make me feel better about the fact that he was leaving.  Of course it didn’t.

Anyways, here is a little picture of some of the stupid stuff I bought last night.

stuff

Really if John were here the only thing I would have bought would have been the lotion and those cream puff things because getting a treat at Safeway on the weekends is our thing, so that was a legit purchase.  Everything else you see there, the soap from BBW, the pillow, the cute little cookbook thing, the pasta sauce that looked good to me, none of that would have been purchased last night.  John should really take away my debit card and just throw a little cash my ways once in a while. 

Bad Day

I am so upset, my external hard drive won’t work anymore.  It has all of my pictures on it from the last almost 2 years.  I don’t even know what to do I am so upset.  And I am furious at myself for not backing them all up online.  Ugh!  Here’s my advice, backup all of your stuff on a regular basis.  Wish me luck trying to find a way to get my stuff off of this stupid thing 😦

An Update

Slowly but surely life is starting to get back to “normal”.  I have heard people talk about new normals and I think this is what they are talking about.  My life isn’t normal by a long shot, but I am setteling in.  Some days are terrible and others aren’t so bad.  I miss John like crazy but texting is the best thing ever.  I now have to really plan out my days so I remember to get everything done that he always did.  When he left I didn’t even know what days the trash guys came.  Now I know that and much more.  And if I hear one more person tell me this is going to make a better woman out of me I might kill them.  I didn’t want to be better, I just wanted to be me.  Me with a husband who didn’t move to Alaska for the summer. 

Tiny baby is getting bigger everyday.  I am terrified that John will get off the plane in 4 weeks (he is coming up for my ultrasound) and freak out because I will have changed so much in 6 weeks!  But I am super excited to see him, and he is super excited to find out what we are having.  He is so funny, he always said he never wanted to find out the sex of our babies, but the second I found out I was pregnant he was dying to know what it was.  It will be fun to know so I can start buying things.  I am proud of myself, I haven’t bought one thing yet.  Not one. 

Work is starting to settle in too.  My boss is doing much better and now I can call and e-mail about what I need to do with problems and it takes a lot of stress off.  I still have had so much extra work piled on top of my already super busy job, but having her available to answer questions is a lifesaver for me. 

I am kinda in a blogging rut.  Before we found out about Alaksa I had loads of blogging ideas and now I can’t remember any of them.  I can’t even remember how I came up with my other random blog posts.  Any suggestions?

I’M ALIVE!!

I have been through a very wild 2 weeks.  I told you that John was leaving for Alaska for the summer and we got him off on Sunday.  The Tuesday before that my boss was riding her motorcycle and some lady ran a stop sign and hit her.  She is ok but had to have a few surgeries on her leg and will be out for a while.  This has meant that for the past week her job has fallen on me.  So I have been very busy with late night (11pm) budget meetings, getting John packed and on the plane and learning to be alone again.  It will make for some great blog posts I’m sure. 

As a side note I will be going home to SV this weekend and I have some time for pictures if anyone is interested.  It is $50 for a mini session (30 minutes) and I will be doing those on Friday evening at my parents house (up their canyon).  You can contact me at carolinebeth20@hotmail.com. 

I hope everyone has a great long weekend.  I will be back to my regular posting next week.

29 Years

Do you have certain birthdays that seem to be especially memorable for one reason or another?  I have a few that really stand out to me, and then I have others that I can’t remember to save my life.  Yesterday was my 29th birthday, and it will go down as a very memorable one, but let’s take a stroll down memory lane to a few others first. 

One of my first that was really memorable had to be when I turned 12.  It was the first time my mom really let me have a big party.  It was an end of the year party and I invited pretty much a ton of people from my 6th grade class.  I remember we had a camp fire and went walking up
Wiki-up.  I don’t know why it is such a vivid memory but it is.

Next would have to be my 18th birthday.  I was working at Gunnar’s Pizza and my favorite boss Kenny made me a cake that looked like Garfield and tasted like cigarette smoke.  I didn’t even like Garfield but he had the cake mold and it was very sweet of him.  It was a low key birthday, but I knew it was my last at home before I moved to SLC and it was surreal.

My 21st was great, but not for the usual reasons.  I had met the love of my life 2 weeks earlier and while he wasn’t able to be there on my birthday he did send me flowers.  The foreign flower people butchered his card but it was sweet just the same. 

My 24th was amazing because it was the day I graduated from college.  I couldn’t believe that I was finally done and it was a great day.  My best friend Terri flew up from Arizona to be there with me and my mom, dad, and grandparents all came.  It was a really awesome day that I will never forget.

And now to yesterday.  It was great, I came home from work and John had all of my presents stacked cute in a pile.  I love cute piles of presents, and I love pink wrapping paper. 

bday1

He also had made me this spectacular cake.  I requested my usual, cheapy little box strawberry cake with cream cheese frosting with coconut mixed in it and fresh strawberries.  I also wanted a pretty 2 layer cake and he pulled through!  Look at his handy work.

cake

cake3

cake2

The reason it was so memorable?  Because on our way to dinner in the big city he got a call about the internship he had just interviewed for that day.  He got the job!  He was so happy and I was beyond proud of him, so why did it feel like the air was sucked out of my body and tears were streaming down my face?  Because his internship is in Alaska.  My husband is moving to Alaska for the summer and I have to stay here because of my job.  I don’t have an option of going with him.

I will always think about this whenever I go to Michael’s craft store because I cried all the way around the store.  I had a mini break down in the fake feather isle while soft rock from the 70’s quietly played overhead and John just hugged me and let me cry in a store.  And I didn’t even care that I was crying in the store, or who saw. 

He leaves in a week and a half.  So in case you wonder about my lack of posts for the next little while, don’t.  I will be spending all of my time with him before we are separated for 3 long summer months.