Monday Night Confessions

  • My belly has now taken over and I am left with no room.  What does this mean for my morning bowl of oatmeal?  Well it means that in order for me to fit any inside me I have to prop my feet up on a chair and lean back so I can make room.  Otherwise I have to stand up to eat and I am way too lazy for that.  So basically if I owned a Lazy Boy I would move it right into my kitchen so I could eat in comfort. 
  • This weekend John and I attended a birthing class.  And let me tell you what, it was 2 whole fun-filled days of non-stop goodness.  I am going to have to say that my favorite part had to be the movie.  Here is what I am still troubled over, why in the world was the woman giving birth totally, and completely buck naked?  Why?  Where were her clothes?  Ok really it wasn’t so much that, I mean if that is how you feel most comfy ok, but really I am intrigued by the fact that she allowed people to film her giving birth totally nude and then let them make it into a film to show hundreds of other people.  Why?  Someone please tell me why.
  • Last weekend I learned that just because my pregnant feet can fit into my cute red shoes at the beginning of the night does not in any way mean that after 3 hours in a hot theater that they still will.  I felt like Cinderella’s step sisters trying to cram my big fat feet into shoes that were about 4 sizes too small.  It was a good lesson, only flats for the next month.

(That’s my big belly and my itty bitty red shoes)

  • Back to the birthing class, after watching the above mentioned video John and I had a few things we needed to cover before Tiny Baby gets here.  First, John has very specific instructions to not tell me anything.  As a matter of fact, I told him that he if even dares trying to give me a play by play of the gory details going on below my eye sight that I will promptly kick him out of the room.  There is no way that I want to hear about it.  After he is born I will hold him and be just fine, but until then I would like to pretend as much as possible that what is happening to my bits and goods down below isn’t really happening. 
  • Second thing, if he tells me to touch the baby’s head as it is crowing, like the woman’s husband in the movie did, he will be banished from the hospital all together.  I don’t want to touch anything until he is good and out of me. 
  • Oh and just in case you are wondering, I haven’t gotten any sleep for the last 2 days because I have been having terrible dreams about giving birth.  Stupid birthing class. 



7 thoughts on “Monday Night Confessions

  1. HA HA HA!! I can tell you that in my 3 years of working Labor and Delivery, we had one nasty lady deliver naked and I will never forget! YUCK!!! I don’t know what her reasoning was, probably to give us something to talk about at the Nurse’s Station. I missed you at church yesterday. You missed my 2 lessons given in 20 minutes. Hope to see you soon! Love the shoes.

  2. Seriously! I still remember Mark and the midwife telling me to look at Kate’s head as she was being born. She was 10 lbs and I was having her naturally (unwillingly) and the last damn thing I wanted to do was to sit up and look at a mirror reflecting down there. I think I am still bitter. 🙂

  3. Oh Carolyn you’re hilarious! That birthing movie lady is nuts… I mean you already have no dignity when you go because you feel like everyone and their dog seems like they’ve seen your its and bits! I feel bad for your poor feet. With Paige my feet and toes got so swollen. I swear my toes looked like little smokies! Parker was a thousand million times better. One the other hand it is nice to have a good reason for a pedicure or a foot massage!

  4. ahhh haaa haaa haaaa I sooooo want Johnny to tape you going through labor. I will pay good money to watch it! Haaaaa haaaaa I don’t know why I can’t stop laughing…now for the supporting sister:
    It will be a very spiritual magical experience that you will have nothing but beautiful memories of.

  5. Jess I didn’t know you had to teach again, what happened with that?!?

    Kayla I would be bitter too! haha you totally understand what I am talking about!

    Brooke getting pedicures have been awesome since I can’t reach my toes and John knows that I am way too crazy about my paint job for him to dare try it. He would rather just let me pay the money and get it done.

    Thanks T, I’m glad you like my belly pic too 🙂

    Oh Rand you won’t need a video, you will hear ALL about it once it is over with. And let’s be honest my recap is going to be better than a movie.

  6. I totally hated our birthing class! Derek and I probably looked like we had left a haunted house when we walked out. It freaked us out! And I totally agree with you on touching the baby when it’s still inside you, I was so not interested in doing that. Don’t let yourself get too freaked out, once it’s over you’ll probably say, “That’s it?”

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