Drugs

I am the sister of a hardcore, full-blown, long-term drug addict.  This is my story, not hers.  These will be my thoughts on what it is to be related to a drug addict.  

It sucks.  It is the worst thing you could imagine.  It isn’t something that only affects her, her addictions have effected my entire family for more than 10 years now.  10 years.  10 long heart breaking, stressful, tear filled, rage filled, sorrowful years. 

It is on going, and never-ending.  Over the years we have had glimmers of the old Halie, the one that we lost to drugs, but it was only short glimpses.  Very short.

Growing up she and I are only 15 months apart, she being the younger of us.  We were best friends growing up.  She was beyond fun, she was always so bubbly and full of life.  Everyone loved her.  Do you know that to this day there is no one, and I mean no one that can me laugh as hard as she could?  She could get me laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my face, I could hardly breath when she got me laughing.  We had such good times.

Those times are hard for me to remember.  Hard to think back on.  They break my heart.  They make me sad.  They are hard to look back on because so many of those good memories have been replaced with the horror of what is now my reality.  That the girl I grew up with is gone.  She is forever changed.  Even if she could ever get clean, she is gone.  My son with never know that girl, my husband didn’t even get to know that girl.  And at times I forget that girl even existed.

There are so many stories to tell.  I don’t know where to begin.  I don’t know how often I will write about them, but I feel like I need to, for my own sanity. 

But for today, if you can, please keep my family and more importantly her 2 beautiful, perfect children in your prayers. 

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11 thoughts on “Drugs

  1. Carolyn, I’m so sorry. I have a sister that’s 18months apart from me and I know what the bond you are talking bout, no one can make you laugh like that…It would be such a tragedy to have to watch someone I love so much suffer like that. My heart is breaking for you.

    I remember when you lived here, I remember you struggling with these things. I will pray for your family, you and your sis and those sweet little ones.

  2. I am so sorry you are going through this. My sister is a meth addict. I am so far apaprt in age from her, so we were never close and it still hurts so I can’t imagine what you are going through. I am here to listen.

  3. Oh Carolyn, I am so sorry! My heart broke as I read through your post. I couldn’t imagine. Prayers and thoughts are being sent your way, and for those sweet littles.

  4. My sister went down the path of drugs and all that goes with it about 13 years ago. It altered her forever. The only good thing about the situation is that she has fertility issues and has never been able to have kids. I’m sorry you have had to deal with a similar loss.

  5. Clay and have been thinking and praying for your family. If I can be of any help with the kids, I am here. I think the world of your parents and all that they have and continue to do for them.

  6. I am sorry you guys are having to go through this. Halie truly is a wonderful person, inside & out . . . it is too bad drugs have had to take this realization away from her. Her kiddos are lucky to have such wonderful family who love them as their own! I hadn’t heard that she had slipped again . . . seeing how we are just up the road please let me know how we can help. With all the recent changes we are no longer in the same ward as them, but let me know what we can do!

    {{Hugs}} to you!

  7. It is no fun you are right, I know this all to well. It makes us better, stronger and more empathic then others will ever know. I pray somewhere “they” are still there.

  8. Thank you all for your thoughtful comments. To those of you who understand this from first hand experience, my heart goes out to you and all your families. I promise there will be more posts to come. So much to say I am at a loss of where to start. For now please continue the prayers for the children and my parents. Thank you.

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