Being a mother to my sweet little RR has been nothing short of a total dream come true. My journey to becoming a mother was long and hard. It was a hellish nightmare at times, and the hurt, heartache, and pain of infertility is something that will always be in my heart, but the day I found out I was pregnant my heart began to mend. I thank my Heavenly Father each and every single day for allowing me the gift of being a mother.
The following story is a repost of the day I found out I was pregnant with my son. I am so glad I recorded this story, I cry every single time I read it. It brings back so many emotions. It was the most beautiful March 5th day ever.
“I took a pregnancy test and it’s positive” I sobbed into the phone. “Did you hear me?” I asked. I wasn’t understanding why my husband wasn’t saying anything back to me, this was big news. “Did you say it was negative?” he asked. My sobbing had muffled what I was telling him and he didn’t hear that I was indeed pregnant.
It was a wonderful Thursday in March that I will never forget. You see we had been trying to have a baby for 6 long years. In fact it had been our 6 year mark in February, and this had come as a total shock. After you pray, try, beg, plead, and cry your heart out for so many years and nothing happens you tend to give up hope that it will just happen like you see on the movies, you think that a magical moment like that will never happen to you. I had resigned myself to this fact somewhere around year 2. Never in a million years did I think I would get my moment, my turn. When it finally came I wasn’t prepared, I was so caught off guard I could hardly think.
My week started out just like all the others. Monday morning had rolled around all to quick and I was up at 5:10 AM to get ready for work. All that day I was sure that I should have started, but when I didn’t I wasn’t concerned. I get my dates off and it didn’t seem like a big deal. It would be Tuesday I assured myself. Tuesday was a busy day that came and went with still nothing.
By Wednesday I was starting to wonder, a lot. I tried counting back on the calendar and I knew I couldn’t have been off by that many days. Wednesday night was terrible. I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned all night with thoughts of “what ifs” running through my head. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and went out on the couch where I tossed and turned even more. “Sleep” I screamed to myself. You have to get to sleep you have interviews all day tomorrow and you need to be awake and alert for them. John came out to wake me at 5:10. I had only sleep an hour or two.
Thursday’s interviews seemed to drag on forever. I couldn’t take it anymore, I was now 4 days late. I had to get some answers. I left right after the interviews and went to Kmart with the intention of buying a pregnancy test. I snagged a shopping basket when I entered the store, I knew I was going to need more than just a test. I wandered around the store first aimlessly grabbing things off the shelves and shoving them in my basket. I bought a new candle, I love candles and I knew that if this test didn’t turn out in my favor I was going to need a new candle. Oh a new soft blanket would be nice I said to myself. I grabbed it too. What else should I buy? Um magazines, I am going to buy some random magazines that I never buy, and a bag of peanut M&M’s. Once I had taken care of my comfort items I finally walked over and put a box of tests in my basket too. You see after this many years of failed tests, and broken dreams, you learn what you need to do to protect yourself, I was going to make sure that I was prepared for the same outcome I had always gotten. By now it was 3:15 in the afternoon.
As soon as I got home I knew I was going to take a test. I couldn’t take another sleepless night, I had to try in the middle of the day and hope I could get an answer. I got my answer almost immediately. I stood there and stared. I grabbed the box to make sure I was reading it right, and then I just stared at it again. My whole body went numb as the shock set in. When I could finally feel my legs again I ran and grabbed my phone to call John. He was at school, class was going to start in a few minutes.
I began sobbing before I dialed his number. I couldn’t stop crying. I was having a hard time breathing. I think poor John was in shock too when he finally understood what I was telling him. This was out of the blue for us. We were not doing any medical intervention at this point. We were planning on seeing a specialist this fall and that was what we had talked about for the last few months.
So there it was, in the middle of my ordinary Thursday Heavenly Father gave me a miracle.
On this day that means so much to me, I also have to tell my own beautiful Mama how much I love her. She is an amazing woman who gave birth to, and raised 7 kids. She is a much better Mother than we all deserve. I love you Mom.
(Me and Mom May 7th, 1980)